How to Remember Who You Are When Times are Difficult
Finding your voice in a world of noise
There’s a lot going on right now. But you already know that.
Let me ask you something and I want you to be honest:
How are you doing?
It’s not an easy question to answer. Hell, even I’m having trouble coming up with a clear answer.
In times like these, there’s so much information hitting at rapid speed, forcing you to think what role you’re playing as it all moves.
When you start looking into yourself, you hear a lot of other voices.
People on all sides yelling messages of absolutes and with so many antagonism, injustice, and noise, you’ll feel overwhelmed.
You want to share your voice but you feel that you can’t even hear it anymore, like a whisper overpowered by atomic bombs.
This leads you to question every statement you make, trying to tip-toe around a minefield, and be concerned for the response more than the message itself.
This is how you lose yourself. You get overstimulated by your surroundings and become caught in a whirlwind of noise.
These are difficult times but as you fight for what you believe in, you should remember who you are.
Here are some questions to pose to yourself to help find your voice.
So get your drink, get comfy, and let’s chat.
“The self is made, not given” — Barbara Myerhoff
First things first, tell me this:
What’s your life story?
What lessons have you learned from the events in your life?
I’m asking this because I want you to connect with your most authentic self.
What have been the moments that’ve made you smile and laugh? Have you felt that lately?
Look through some old pictures, reminisce on some moments where you laughed so much you couldn’t breathe, and focus on how you want to surround yourself with that same energy in your life ahead.
What have been the biggest struggles and lessons you’ve gone through lately? If things have been rough back-to-back, what do you think is attracting these experiences?
What parts of these experiences are in your control and what aren’t?
I know. These are a lot of questions. Let’s just talk about the control part for now.
Having control over your life is like playing tug of war with all the noise in your head.
You’re holding onto the rope and you’ve been pulling for a while now. Nothing is changing. But you keep pulling, even as your hands get red and you cry out in excruciating pain.
There’s only so much you can do. As your grip loosens, the scars around your hands become visible and the redness slowly starts to subside.
Sometimes it’s better to let go and be free from all that pain than to keep holding on.
There will be some situations where you’re not in control and that’s okay. It just means that it’s time to change your circumstance.
Find things in your life that empower you. Stay self-aware of your responsibilities and values but distance yourself from the things that’ve been draining you.
This goes for your daily conversations too. Have you felt energized or drained from the conversations you’ve been having with people lately?
Remember, you’re a product of your environment so if you keep feeling tired after a conversation, think about the company around you and what you can do now to bring some mental clarity.
These things can be engaging in some good conversation, being creative, or simply kicking back.
Just be kind to yourself. Remember that these things take time and asking yourself the big questions is the first step towards progress.
It’s all about recalibrating to bring some peace of mind. Thinking will help but doing is where you’ll see change.
You want your actions and thoughts align to your core values so that you’re true to yourself.
If you don’t know what those values are, take a step back and think about what’s important to you. It could be related to life, friends, traveling, food, social justice, whatever.
You only know what’s important to you.
Thinking about this will put a focus on the things that matter to you and isolate your mind from the noise.
Now it’s time to put yourself in environments that’ll build upon these values and bring out the best in you.
I remember volunteering at a farm when I was in elementary school for a field trip. The farm was a place I would always pass on the drive to school and I never gave it more than a second of thought each day.
One day, my class had a field trip to help grow and harvest the crops to donate to our local food bank. I remember my feet getting soaked by the soil, my ears annoyed by the buzzing of flies near the tomatoes, and my skin heating up from the beating sun.
All of this made me distracted from the fact that I wasn’t pulling out the tomatoes properly.
Hold on, young man. Let me help you there!
An elderly woman came up to me with a basket.
You want to grab those tomatoes from here. That way the people enjoy the taste without worrying about the leaves!
She let out a chuckle as she put the tomatoes in the basket.
I looked at her, puzzled. She’s been there for hours already. How was she not tired of this?
I swallowed my shyness and asked,
Don’t you feel kind of tired? How do you do this every day?
She took her gloves off, put her hands together, and smiled.
Well it’s just nice to help, isn’t it? It’s so people can go to sleep knowing that they ate a good meal and it all starts with you picking those tomatoes correctly!
This memory hit me when my head was face down on my desk, with tears smudging my notes and a desk lamp that barely provided any light to my small dark dorm room.
This was 12 years after that day at the farm. A day where I felt like I lost myself.
But thinking about gentle old lady’s words and the right way to pluck a tomato were enough to light that room and spark a revelation.
The world continues to move even when your world doesn’t.
I knew that holding onto this rope any longer would only bring more pain and I had to align myself with my values. Processing it all was heavy but I knew what I had control over so I focused on that.
I left everything that day and took action to do what I wanted to do with my life. It took years to get there but one distant memory of a farm was all I needed to remember who I was.
We all have experiences that’ve resonated with us through our lives, good and bad.
I simply ask that you remember the good and learn from the bad.
You are the main character of your life’s story. While you have minor control over how the plot unfolds, you have the power to align your heart’s desire to your journey.
Remember your experiences and values shape your character. This creates a subtle shift from stress, worry, and anxiety to living in the richness of the present moment.
After all, the present creates the future.
“I have realized that the past and future are real illusions, that they exist in the present, which is what there is and all there is” — Alan W. Watts
It all starts with you asking yourself these questions and answering authentically. I’m just here to give you a little push into the water.
Let the waves crash over you. Welcome the dark skies and the storm.
Acknowledge all the noise in your head.
Take a deep breath, hold it, and sink into the water.
As you sink deeper, the water will suppress the sounds more and more until you have only your thoughts left.
Put your focus towards these questions:
What’s your life story?
What lessons have you learned from the events in your life?
And now, I have one last question for you.
What are you gonna do now?
Consider the values and experiences that’ve shaped who you are. Hone in on the great moments that’ve brought you happiness and the dark moments that’ve taught you the hardest lessons.
Find your North Star, remember what you have control over, and answer these questions with conviction.
Once you do that, rise from the waters, and take a breath of fresh air. The first step onto the surface will be shaky but just keep walking.
You’ll get your balance soon enough. Just keep walking.
If you ever lose sight of your path, come back and we can chat again.
You’ll only be stronger then.
